There are three things that influence our perception of everything we do.
Two of them internal, one of them is very external. They are: Hopes, Expecectations and Reality.
Our Hopes sit at the root of our crushes. It’s these wild dreams and fantasies that make us quirk an eyebrow and wonder “What if…?” when we first catch a glimpse of that special someone across a room or hear that magical voice drift over the shelves at the market. They make us aim high and help to push us past our Fears.
When our Hopes become too high and are not met, though, things can quickly turn bad. That special someone no longer seems so special up close, the voice no longer quite so melodious when it yatters on and on and on. Shattered Hopes can thrash us upon the rocks of our own making.
Our Expectations are more personal than our Hopes. They are the things we believe we deserve. They are the things we believe we can’t do without. Expectations cut both ways–they can be high or low, based on our own individual internal issues. Sometimes they’re more sensible than our Hopes, other times, not so much. Expectations don’t come into play, directly, in crushes, but pay out in spades in actual relationships.
Expectations that are not articulated can easily go unmet. Unmet Expectations breed animosity and disappointment. If they are consistently too high, adjustments need to be made. On the other side of the coin, Expectations that are always exceeded can very easily lead to very bad things–like a failure to realize that you are not getting what you need or what you actually want in a relationship.
Reality cares not for Hopes of Expectations. It is cold, hard and indifferent to your whims and whishes. Reality simply is. And though it is often obscured for some time by the whirling emotions of a crush or the elation of a relationship, eventually it will push its way through. It lives somewhere between what you see in a situation and what everyone around you sees.
When working a regular crush into a Grown Up Crush, take the time to discover how your Hopes and Expectations match up with Reality. When in a relationship, be sure to articulate your perception of all three of these aspects with your partner.
It’s only through understanding how these aspects play off of one another–and how they match up with the perceptions of others–that we get a full picture of our place in the picture and gain the ability to repaint the bits that don’t quite work.
What’s the most skewed Hope or Expectation you’ve ever had going into a relationship? When did you notice? What did you do about it?
