Above all else, self control is the key to making a Grown Up Crush happen.
Without self control, without the ability to follow the rules, there is little to be gained from a crush that can’t be gained just as easily (and painfully) as from jumping into a relationship.
The rules to be followed can go well beyond the basic rules of crushes. You can take any rules you like and practice your self control by making yourself follow them. Like a muscle, willpower gets stronger the more you work it.
Start with little things–waiting an extra ten minutes before tearing into dessert, putting off picking up that new DVD until the second week it’s out–things that don’t really matter in the scheme of things. If you’re a chronic dater, work up to spending some time single. If you’re shy, work up to starting a conversation with someone new.
What’s important is that you learn where your weaknesses are, self-control-wise, and work on them. Get used to a more strict routine, force yourself to pay attention to what you do, how you do it and how it makes you feel.
By creating your own rules to live by–and sticking to them–you gain not just a deeper amount of self-knowledge but also a higher level of self control.
Both of those benefit anyone working on Grown Up Crushes.
It’s not easy to move into the “Grown Up Crush Zone” when having just a plain old crush is fun and exciting. But if you are aware of how you react and are able to assert control over yourself–if you are able to step up and play by the rules of the Grown Up Crush–you’ll be able to take full advantage of everything it has to offer.
Of course, if you’re not careful, you can become trapped by your own arbitrary rules. Never be afraid to discard a rule you’ve created if it becomes too much of a hindrance–or if you find yourself using your rules as an excuse to totally isolate yourself from the rest of your life.
Rules are there to give us boundaries and perspective. If they begin to confine and cloud, they have lost their usefulness as tools and should be discarded.
