In the past month, I’ve thought about sex more than I usually do. Mostly because of the posts I was writing for here.
The part that wasn’t covered by that directed thought is most likely due to the fact that I’ve been single and celibate for over eight years now. That often elicits a gasp of disbelief from people. “How can you possibly do that?” they seem to wonder.
It’s really not that difficult.
Sex hasn’t been something I’ve been deeply pursuing in relationships in a very long time. Once I got my head out of my hormones (in my late teens), sex wasn’t even close to a driving force in my romantic life–let alone my regular set of interpersonal interactions.
I haven’t been avoiding sex. I have nothing against it whatsoever. When I was having it, it was generally quite fun. But I really don’t miss it most of the time.
Why? Because I’ve separated the ideas of sex and intimacy and come to terms with the fact that what I really want is intimacy. And I’m lucky enough to get plenty of that from my friends.
But, oh, have I been thinking a lot about sex these past few weeks.
So much so that I think some “typical guy” patterns have crawled out from under the rocks they’ve been sitting quietly under for a long time.
You know those patterns. Those guys who get distracted by anything with breasts and stop and stare for just long enough to cross the line from OK to creepy. Yeah. Them.
I’ve never been one of them and I really don’t want to be. I have too much respect for people as people.
That’s not to say I don’t look… I just try not to leer. I’m also of the opinion that if you’re going to let it all hang out, you better not complain if someone does leer and ogle. As long as they don’t touch, there’s not much you’re going to be able to legitimately complain about. And the same goes for guys, though the “letting it all hang out” style for guys is usually more laughable than sexually stimulating.
The point of it all is this: Regardless of what we want to believe, we are sexual creatures. Also regardless of what we want to believe, we have the power to chose which urges to act on. We have a force of Will and it is our duty to use that to control ourselves.
There is no excuse for anyone who tries to impose their own sexual morals on others. If it bothers you so much that someone shows a bit of skin, sigh and move on. Don’t you dare try to be morally superior when the root of your belief is that temptation is bad. Temptation isn’t bad. Giving in to temptation is bad. If you don’t have the strength to not give in, you’ve got a lot of work to do.
There is no excuse for anyone who gives all of their gender or orientation a bad name by having poor impulse control. If you’re a correctly functioning human, you can very well know when you’re crossing a big line. When you find yourself feeling guilty about everything you do in a certain arena of your life, change your behavior. Is it easy? No. But it is possible and it will be better for you and everyone around you in the long run if you take responsibility for your actions.
There are worse things in this world than sex. Much worse things. We accept a lot of them in this nation better than we accept sex. There’s something wrong with that.
Yeah, I’ve thought a lot more about sex in the past month than I usually do. But at least I’ve actually thought about it. I didn’t just muse on it while touching myself. That’s about as far as too many people out there get. As soon as their libido gets involved, their brains shut off. They think about the last time they had it, they think about how they’re going to get it next time.
But they rarely think about why they think about it so much.
One of the biggest assets in any relationship is self-knowledge. If you don’t know why you do things, how can you expect anyone else to? Be it sex or intimacy, the need to always be in charge or the lack of ability to take criticism, the more you know about yourself and what motivates your actions, the better you’ll be able to relate to others.
The better we know ourselves, the better relationships we’ll have with others.
It’s just that simple.
And, of course, that complex.
Nope. Not easy, but worth it in the long run.
