Tra la! It’s May!
The lusty month of May!
That lovely month when ev’ryone goes
Blissfully astray.
Tra la! It’s here!
That shocking time of year
When tons of wicked little thoughts
Merrily appear!
So goes one of the songs from Camelot, the musical version of a section of the Arthurian Legends so well-known and the root of many a romantic notion.
May is definitely the time when nature comes alive and gets all sorts of frisky. Not in the way that we celebrate on Valentine’s Day, but in a more natural and carnal way. The winter is over. The air is warm and the weather is finally settling down a bit. Things are alive again.
And that’s when libido kicks up a notch.
This, in and of itself, isn’t a problem. But as anyone who’s been out to a local bar on a Saturday night will be able to tell you just how much of an idiot a guy thinking with his “dumb stick” can be.
That drop in intelligence isn’t limited to the males of the human species. I’ve seen women get just as worked up and just as blind to the more sensible things around them.
Before I get misunderstood, let me just say that I think sex is a good thing–in moderation. I’m all for recreational sex (as long as it’s done safely and everyone is willing) and I firmly believe that it can be one of the most beautiful expressions of Love between two people.
But we live in a culture (at least here in the U.S.) with oddly Puritanical values. Sex is, at best, ignored and, at worst, demonized. Thankfully, that’s changing, but the current waves of change go quite a bit to the opposite extreme, removing all meaning (and understanding) of sex from the equation. Neither extreme is a good place to be.
Yet, a number of relationships are based on sex. Many more get started because of sex. Some end because of sex (or, more frequently, lack of sex).
There’s no question that there is a strong biological imperative to reproduce. It’s how the species keeps on keeping on. But we supplant many of our biological predispositions. And, let’s face it, when done correctly, sex is a whole lot of fun.
Fun is a good thing to get out of a relationship. In fact, any relationship that doesn’t have a good dose of fun in it is most likely doomed (or should be for the sake of the people in it). There needs to be something more, though, to make a relationship work. That’s why so many relationships based purely on sex fade with time.
As I said before, there can be casual sexual relationships with little problem. But in order for them to go that smoothly, all people involved need to be comfortable with who they are and they all have to understand that the “relationship” is just about the fun. Even with all of that made clear, our deep need for intimate relationships can very quickly change that balance and send one member of the arrangement into a much deeper emotional place than others.
In other words, it takes a very self aware, grown-up person to have a successful sex only relationship.
At least that’s what it takes to have a long-term successful arrangement like that.
More emotional pain and suffering is caused by our obsession with sex than just about any other part of our relationship lives. Either pining for it or regretting it.
This is even more true for those who aren’t built for sex. That’s not to say they can’t perform. It’s just that some people are much more emotionally focused than others. Some people need the deeper parts of a relationship. And they need their partner to feel the same way.
As with most things in relationships, the part that sex plays in the scheme of things is all about balance. That balance is different for everyone. Where your needs balance in that system is something you have to discover for yourself. You can do that either by trial and error in relationships (they way most people out there do it) or through the utilizing the Grown Up Crush.
Yeah, sex is important. And right about now, we’re all feeling our biological urges. But to act without knowing why–or worse, to act for reasons that you know will leave only pain in their wake–is a recipe for disaster.
To give of yourself, you must know yourself. For best results, give to another who can match your gift.
