It occurred to me that all this talk about crushes and romantic comedies and such could lead to a little bit of confusion about how I look at the world, relationship-wise at least.
The base of my relationship (any type of relationship) theory is Trust. Without Trust, there’s really no relationship at all be it business, romantic or whatever. If you’re in a relationship without Trust, it’s not a relationship–it’s either a case of you using someone or someone using you. Interactions like that have their place, but it’s not a place I’d ever recommend staying in for any length of time.
Trust means simply that you can count on the other person (or people) involved in the relationship to behave in a certain way. Deception is at a minimum. Just because you have Trust, doesn’t mean things will always be happy… you can Trust a person who always does you wrong, as long as you’re aware of that dynamic you can have a relationship. Just don’t ever be surprised when they don’t do what they said they would and don’t ever actually expect them to change their ways. Trust, at it’s most basic, is about consistency. It implies nothing more than that. (In reality, the whole Trust thing is a lot more complex… but that’s an entirely different subject.)
Real relationships come in many different flavors. The two main branches are, of course, business and personal. There can often be some overlap in these relationships–after all, we do spend a lot of time with the people we know from work and personal relationships of some variety are bound to develop out of that time. I won’t deal with business relationships just yet (as I’m still on this crush/romantic kick).
Personal relationships are based on Trust, just like all other relationships. There are many different layers to personal relationships on top of that Trust. Personal relationships can have layers of Blood Relation, Romance, Love, Hate, Shared Ideas, Shared Experiences and many others. Often there is a combination of these layers.
Love and Romance are often confused by people. The main difference between the two is that Love is enduring and unconditional, Romance is about reciprication and passion. The two are not mutually exclusive, but they also do not always run together. You can Love someone without having any Romantic feelings for them. You can also Romance someone without Loving them. Valentine’s Day is about Romance… marriage is about Love.
Friendship is a flavor of the Love, often tied up with Shared Ideas and Experiences. The crush is composed mainly of Romance with an inkling (or more) of Love. This is why we so often find ourselves, at one point or another, crushing on our friends. If the Friendship is real, there is a strong underlying Love component that make Romance seem like a good idea. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. I’ve seen it go both ways.
To me, Friendship is the most important thing of all in the Universe. It is that special kind of Love that can transcend all sorts of barriers (mainly because we can use the word “Friend” without the baggage that “Love” carries with it). I can honestly say I Love all my friends very deeply and will continue to do so no matter once. Once you’re in with me, it’s really difficult to drive me away. 🙂 I can also honestly say that I still Love everyone I’ve ever actually Loved in my life. This includes my ex-girlfriends and a good bunch of women I never had the pleasure of dating.
Now crushes, crushes get all wrapped up in Romance. The whole thing about a crush is that it’s based on the idea of what it would be like to be involved with the other person. Romance is about ideas and gestures and a crush blows all those ideas into grand dreams of perfection and all those gestures into the most wonderful ideas in the world. It also sets us up for disappointment when Reality asserts itself later in a relationship.
Really, though, crushes are a lot of fun.
Physiologically speaking, they do great things to us. That flutter in your chest. The sweaty palms. The knots in your stomach. The dryness of your mouth when you just try to say “hi” that first time. It makes it a challenge. It makes it seem that if we can just surmount those obstacles, everything will be perfect. It makes us work for our reward.
A crush is the anticipation of Love. Romance is the path we think we need to take to get to Love. Those nerves are the bumps and potholes in the road that slow us down (and sometimes give us the time we need to realize just how silly it is to go down one particular road instead of another).
I crush on people kind of easily. Probably because I’m a big dreamer and a hopeless romantic. I’m also kind of a coward when it comes to acting on a crush (as you’ll certainly see as I tell more of my stories).
It’s all rather exhillerating.
Now that we’re all on the same page with this whole relationship thing, I guess I can go on.
But I’ll do that tomorrow night.
From many miles away from where I am now.
After dealing with Blood-based relationships for a while (and a really hefty drive).
